Two of my cousins earned degrees this month, so yesterday we went to my aunt’s for a cook out to celebrate.

Of course, this means that Sharon (my cousin who’s also planning a wedding) and I get to discuss wedding details.

She had a catalogue of bridesmaids dresses for me to look through, since I’m going to be in her wedding. She likes the idea of having black dresses, but is getting a lot of resistance to the idea. Her mom and one sister seem to be against it. I don’t really care. I picked out a few dresses I liked, but basically said, “Tell me what to wear and I’ll wear it.” I also mentioned that black and white with red (or whatever) accents would be really dramatic.

She wanted to set a time for the three of us (me and her two sisters, who make up the wedding party) to shop for dresses. I said June was bad, so she said July. Works for me. Of course, one sister doesn’t want to go until September, since that will be six months before the wedding. She doesn’t see the need to pick out dresses so early.

I have to side with Sharon on this one. She already has her dress, veil and tiara. I can’t blame her for wanted to get moving. She said she wants the dresses decided on so she can move on to flowers.

I feel a little bit relieved that I haven’t asked anyone to be in my bridal party yet. I don’t have to deal with all the conflicting opinions and people telling me how to do things. I showed off the wedding book I made, but didn’t get anyone telling me what I should or shouldn’t do.

I suppose as I start to make actual decisions, people involved will speak up more. But for now I’m just enjoying not having to worry about what anyone but James and I think.

It’s amazing the way getting engaged will legitimize your relationship in the eyes of the world.

When I’ve confessed relationship troubles to my mom in the past, her advice has always been centered on doing what is best for me, which, she mostly thought, was not to waste my time on losers (and I have to say that was good advice that I ignored for too long). But when I called and talked with her tonight, she was comforting and reassuring, telling me that my sickness and exhaustion were magnifying what were really small problems. She really made me feel a lot better about everything that was bothering me.

And I’m feeling our relationship begin to change. We’ve talked to each other as adults for a while now, but now we’re beginning to relate as married adults, which is a whole different category. I know I’m not married yet, but something about announcing the intent really changes the way our relationship is viewed.

James pointed out the other day that there are two big milestones that make your car insurance premiums go down: turning 25 or getting married.

Maybe because I’m still in my 20s, but I’ve never felt discriminated against because I’m single. However, now that I’m hovering on the edge of being married, it feels like doors are opening up all over. I read a piece in the New York Times over the weekend, Spread the Wealth of Spousal Rights by Dalton Conley that lists all the benefits of marriage. Conley’s point is that if we were to disentangle these rights from the institution of marriage, the whole gay marriage debate would become moot. The story really drove home the fact that our society favors the married.

I never thought of getting married as entering a world of privilege.

So. I wrote a story about the inn where we are holding the reception. My boss thought it would be fun for me, get to know the people and the place a little bit more.

But it turns out that first quote is a bald-faced lie. The inn is, in fact, for sale. A realtor confirmed it, off the record.

We (my boss and I) have a pretty good idea of why he lied, and it’s not some big nefarious plot, but just to protect some people’s feelings. But still. The person who is going to be helping me plan my wedding reception now has a lying track record.

James says I’m taking it too personally. He didn’t lie to me, but to “the press.” And James has his heart set on holding our reception there.

Okay. I can buy that. And I do still love the place and I don’t really want to change plans, either. But I’m nervous now. What if the place is sold before Sept. 6, 2008? How will that impact our event?

I’m thinking the best thing to do is sit down and get a contract signed. I wasn’t in a rush to do this before, but now, I don’t want to take any chances. If I have a contract, then they’ll have to honor the amazing prices they quoted me, even with new ownership. Right?

Phew. This is the first chance I’ve had to breathe in about a week (I’m waiting for corrections to my pages — funny how I end up with free time as we’re trying to put the paper to bed).

We moved this weekend. Everyone who said they could help backed out on us. It was miserable. All day, both days. But we only had one major meltdown per day, so I think we came out ahead. I said to James, “If we can make it through something like this and still be speaking to each other, our marriage is going to be just fine.”

Moving into a house together is really making us feel closer to being married. The cable guy kept referring to James as my husband and to me as James’s wife. We didn’t correct him. It sounded nice.

So now we just have to unpack. “Just.” I whittle away at the mountain of boxes stacked in the dining room and know I’m making progress, but it feels as if it will never end. And James has been so behind on his side jobs that he’s had to spend his evenings this week on those, so I’ve been doing much of the unpacking myself.

I don’t really mind, though, because I get to put everything where I want it.

Work has been crazy, too, with sources not calling me back until right at deadline and people giving their notice all over the place. We lost three people this week, two reporters and a graphic designer. The next couple of weeks are going to be rough.