This week, I hit an important wedding planning milestone: I got so frustrated with everything that I told James I wanted to just elope. We could hop a plane to Vegas, get married and be back before Monday and not have to worry about all this wedding stuff any more.

It’s a little discouraging to think that we’ve got over a year until the wedding and I’ve already had this impulse.

James talked me down, telling me I’d regret it. And I know it’s not what he wants.

The pressure to have a fairy tale wedding, plus to keep all family members, friends and other assorted hangers on happy and smiling, is just too much sometimes.

Maybe instead of Vegas, we could just get on a boat and be married by a captain.

I just need a dress…then I could do it…maybe…

I was browsing some wedding communities the other day, and one of the women there was raving about buying her dress online at Bridal Online.

I’m not entirely secure about the idea of buying a dress online, without trying it on, but there are so many great deals to be found on the Web. And a lot of people were saying this site was good. And I’ve heard a lot of other people raving about various other online dress purchases, including some who had dresses custom made for about $300.

So I looked around, and I came up with two dresses I like. Unfortunately, the site won’t let you copy the photos, so I can only post links.

Melinda

Faith

Melinda is more of what I usually think about when I think wedding gown. It’s the style I am most drawn to.

But Faith immediately made me think of The Princess Bride. I’ve always wanted a dress like that.

James really likes Faith, but I think I’m leaning toward Melinda. I’m hoping to be able to find dresses like them in stores to try on, so I can at least make sure the style is flattering on me.

But at $399 plus about $19 shipping, these are looking very attractive.

Welcome to the new site! Well, it’s the same site, but with a wonderful design by James, and I’m sure some of you are here for the first time.

(I’m sure because I haven’t told anyone about this site; I was waiting to get the design up so that you don’t have to look at that horrible default theme.)

It took a few months, but James has been busy and he said he wanted to make sure he could do a good job with it. And, as much as I want my stuff done NOW!, I have to agree with doing the stuff he’s getting paid for first.

Send him a note to let him know what you think.

My parents’ 30th wedding anniversary was on Monday. With all the traveling and Father’s Day and all that, I only managed an e-card. It was cheesy, but it’s the thought that counts, right? I wrote that I hope my marriage is doing as well in 30 years as theirs is.

My mom sent me back an email (signed “Mom and Dad,” but I suspect she wrote it) that made me cry:

Hey Jenn,

Thank you for the e-card. That was very nice of you! I hope that your 30th anniversary is preceded by 30 great years! There are always ups and downs but as long as you can stick together, things have a way of working out. Marriage requires a lot of work from both partners (sometimes more one than the other) but it’s worth the effort. Don’t give up when things get hard, don’t go to bed angry, and always remember the reason you got married to begin with. Remember what you saw in your partner that attracted you to them in the first place. Don’t sweat the small stuff – save your anger for something really important ( not sure what there is to get that angry about). It’s ok to vent but don’t say anything you’ll regret. Words can come back to haunt you.

I know this sounds like a lot of cliches but they’re all true.

All that being said, if you work at it, you’ll reap the rewards. Nobody is perfect all the time (although some are more perfect than others). Remember the things that bug you now will still bug you 30 years from now. They’re not going to go away no matter what you try. Deep down inside people are what they are and don’t expect to see big changes. Love your partner and stay close together always. Listen to what your partner has to say. You don’t actually have to believe it but they have a right to their opinion. Sometimes you’ll find some pearls of wisdom that you don’t expect. Take each day as a gift and spend them wisely.

Love Mom and Dad

As we were walking to the post office today, I turned to James and said, “You know how sometimes I just randomly miss my family? Well, I just got that feeling, but it was about your family.”

I really enjoyed meeting everyone. I felt like part of the family. James doesn’t see his family much and is not close to them like I am to mine, so I tried not to have any expectations about them. James was concerned that I would be hurt or disappointed if they weren’t as wonderful as I was imagining them to be, but they really accepted me and felt as much like my own family as I ever could have hoped for.

Well, I did it. I survived a weekend with James’s extended family. We went down for James’s sister’s graduation.

On Thursday we scooted out of work at 3 and started the long drive down to Virginia. I swear, as much as I enjoy our roadtrips, nothing ever goes as planned. We hit so much traffic due to construction. And when we got to D.C. (I was driving; James was sleeping; it was about 1 a.m., I think), the on ramp to 95, which we needed to get on, was completely closed down due to an accident.

I woke James up and told him I couldn’t get on 95, I was going to have to go 495. He mumbled something about how only crazy people drive through D.C. and we wanted 495 anyway. He assured me it would run into 95 again.

Well, it did. In Maryland. I drove us in a big circle, wasting about an hour. I was so frustrated, I cried and yelled at the road signs. I woke James up and he assured me it was no big deal. One of the things I love most about him is his ability to be calm when I’m losing it.

So we got to Chesapeake and James’s mom’s house around 5 a.m. Stumbled into James’s sister’s room and passed out for a few hours.

When we woke, there was an adorable toddler running through the hallways. He burst in on me in the bathroom (he loves to open and close doors), but I couldn’t even be angry, he was so cute.

Carolina’s graduation wasn’t until 3, so we spent the morning hanging out with James’s brother, sister-in-law and nephew. Around 1 or 1:30, James’s grandmother, uncle and aunt showed up, along with Carolina’s boyfriend and his mother. We piled into cars to caravan to the convocation center in Norfolk.

This place was huge. Virginia high schools are much bigger than Connecticut high schools.

Applause, pictures, diplomas, caps and gowns, the usual graduation stuff. We climbed back into the cars and battled the traffic back to James’s mother’s house, then all ordered Chinese. Man, I miss living in an area where people will deliver food to you.

The next day those of us staying at James’s mom’s house headed to Virginia Beach for a day by the ocean while those staying in a hotel spent the day at Jamestown. I would have liked to go to Jamestown, and hope to get there eventually, but it was such a nice day, I couldn’t resist the beach.

James’s brother and his family left that night and James and I snuck out for a dinner alone. On Sunday we stopped at the hotel to say goodbye to Grandma, Aunt Debbie and Uncle Daniel before heading back north. After many hours of sitting in traffic, we made it home.

It was a stressful weekend, with all the family and all the traveling, but James and I didn’t fight once. He got frustrated with his family, but I never did. I just went along for the ride. They weren’t my family, so I wasn’t so invested in the drama. I was able to step back and enjoy the good parts without having to stress over the bad ones.

I wonder if that will be the case in a few years, when they get used to me and let down their guard.

You know you’ve picked a winner of a fiance when he doesn’t say one word of complaint about being dragged to your 10-year high school reunion.

I went to a private school, so a reunion is a big deal. This one ran from Friday to Sunday and included tons of food and booze. James was mostly excited at the prospect of free (I paid) food and drink all weekend. I was excited to see my friends.

At our 5-year reunion, everyone was just out of college and at their first job. Everyone dressed in their best “going out” clothes and drank like, well, 20-something New Yorkers at an open bar. There was some catching up, but mostly it was about doing things we weren’t allowed to do when we were students.

The 10-year is the year of the significant other. I’d say at least half of my classmates brought husbands, wives, fiances or girl- and boyfriends. In my group of close friends, only two of us weren’t married, and I brought my fiance.

This reunion, for me, wasn’t about seeing people I never talk to and haven’t thought of in the past 10 years. It was about spending time with the people I care about and never get to see. And getting to know their husbands a bit better.

I sat at dinner Saturday night and looked around at our group, which has doubled in size. Everyone was talking easily, whether they were alums or spouses. The four “extras” all got along beautifully with each other and with all of us. Our close-knit group has grown, but yet manages to still feel the same. We’ve really been able to embrace our friends’ expanding lives.

And they all loved James. Not that I doubted they would, but it is really reassuring to hear my friends tell me how much they like my fiance. And to see how well he fit in with everyone. No tension, no personality clashes, it was like we had always been together.

I cried on Sunday when I had to say good-bye to everyone. They are all moving to Boston, so at least there is a change that I will get to see them every month or two, if we work hard at it.

I feel so blessed to have had this opportunity to introduce my fiance to some of the important people in my life and to give him a glimpse of a school that had a huge part in shaping who I am today.

It was a mushy, squishy, emotional weekend and I am exhausted. But it feels good.

James and I took off this weekend to celebrate his birthday on Cape Cod. I wish we could have stayed a month. Our room was right on the beach with the cutest little kitchen. We had beautiful weather on Saturday, not so great on Sunday.

I told James I would love to have our wedding there. And I would. But not enough to actually do it. I’ve thought about taking a honeymoon there, but it’s not exotic enough. We really want to take the opportunity to go some place we couldn’t get to on a weekend. So I guess we’ll just have to wait until 2009 to spend more than a couple of days on the Cape.

There is nothing so good for a relationship as getting away for a few days. We were on a pretty tight budget, but the beach was free and the room was paid for in January. We had lots of time together and almost nothing to worry about (we did forget to slather on the sunblock at first, because it was cloudy, and we’re both a little sorry about that). Bliss.