Welcome to the new site! Well, it’s the same site, but with a wonderful design by James, and I’m sure some of you are here for the first time.

(I’m sure because I haven’t told anyone about this site; I was waiting to get the design up so that you don’t have to look at that horrible default theme.)

It took a few months, but James has been busy and he said he wanted to make sure he could do a good job with it. And, as much as I want my stuff done NOW!, I have to agree with doing the stuff he’s getting paid for first.

Send him a note to let him know what you think.

You know you’ve picked a winner of a fiance when he doesn’t say one word of complaint about being dragged to your 10-year high school reunion.

I went to a private school, so a reunion is a big deal. This one ran from Friday to Sunday and included tons of food and booze. James was mostly excited at the prospect of free (I paid) food and drink all weekend. I was excited to see my friends.

At our 5-year reunion, everyone was just out of college and at their first job. Everyone dressed in their best “going out” clothes and drank like, well, 20-something New Yorkers at an open bar. There was some catching up, but mostly it was about doing things we weren’t allowed to do when we were students.

The 10-year is the year of the significant other. I’d say at least half of my classmates brought husbands, wives, fiances or girl- and boyfriends. In my group of close friends, only two of us weren’t married, and I brought my fiance.

This reunion, for me, wasn’t about seeing people I never talk to and haven’t thought of in the past 10 years. It was about spending time with the people I care about and never get to see. And getting to know their husbands a bit better.

I sat at dinner Saturday night and looked around at our group, which has doubled in size. Everyone was talking easily, whether they were alums or spouses. The four “extras” all got along beautifully with each other and with all of us. Our close-knit group has grown, but yet manages to still feel the same. We’ve really been able to embrace our friends’ expanding lives.

And they all loved James. Not that I doubted they would, but it is really reassuring to hear my friends tell me how much they like my fiance. And to see how well he fit in with everyone. No tension, no personality clashes, it was like we had always been together.

I cried on Sunday when I had to say good-bye to everyone. They are all moving to Boston, so at least there is a change that I will get to see them every month or two, if we work hard at it.

I feel so blessed to have had this opportunity to introduce my fiance to some of the important people in my life and to give him a glimpse of a school that had a huge part in shaping who I am today.

It was a mushy, squishy, emotional weekend and I am exhausted. But it feels good.

It’s amazing the way getting engaged will legitimize your relationship in the eyes of the world.

When I’ve confessed relationship troubles to my mom in the past, her advice has always been centered on doing what is best for me, which, she mostly thought, was not to waste my time on losers (and I have to say that was good advice that I ignored for too long). But when I called and talked with her tonight, she was comforting and reassuring, telling me that my sickness and exhaustion were magnifying what were really small problems. She really made me feel a lot better about everything that was bothering me.

And I’m feeling our relationship begin to change. We’ve talked to each other as adults for a while now, but now we’re beginning to relate as married adults, which is a whole different category. I know I’m not married yet, but something about announcing the intent really changes the way our relationship is viewed.

James pointed out the other day that there are two big milestones that make your car insurance premiums go down: turning 25 or getting married.

Maybe because I’m still in my 20s, but I’ve never felt discriminated against because I’m single. However, now that I’m hovering on the edge of being married, it feels like doors are opening up all over. I read a piece in the New York Times over the weekend, Spread the Wealth of Spousal Rights by Dalton Conley that lists all the benefits of marriage. Conley’s point is that if we were to disentangle these rights from the institution of marriage, the whole gay marriage debate would become moot. The story really drove home the fact that our society favors the married.

I never thought of getting married as entering a world of privilege.

James and I really got into it this morning. And over the dishes, of all things.

As it stands right now, I tend to do most of the housework. James is working longer hours than I am, so I try to help out by cooking dinner and cleaning up. Generally, I don’t mind doing it. We’re a team, and we each do our part to make the household run smoothly.

But for some reason this morning, I don’t know if I just woke up grumpy, but I was really resentful. Every morning we come downstairs and he gets on his laptop and I clean up the kitchen (we won’t mention how much easier my life would be if I could just muster up the energy to clean up the kitchen the night before — that’s a whole ‘nother ball of wax). And every morning, just as I’m finishing up, he comes over and says, “Oh, do you need help?”

I wasn’t going to say anything, but this morning he could tell I was annoyed and wouldn’t leave it alone. So I finally told him I needed help. He said he’s told me I just have to ask for it. I reminded him that the last time I asked him to bring me dishes from the living room, he blew up at me, saying he was busy and working.

So we yelled and fought and I missed swimming because he wouldn’t let me leave without some sort of a resolution. We were actually late to work.

It became such a big deal, to me, at least, because as I was washing dishes this morning, a vision of slaving away in soapy water for the rest of my life flashed before my eyes. Tomorrow is May 1. Tomorrow we pick up the keys to our new place. After tomorrow, we will no longer have a housekeeper (that’s a long story — I housesit, the owner employs a housekeeper, but she’s paid to keep up the house, not clean up after us, so I still end up doing a lot of cleaning). I am so not resigning myself to being a household drudge. This is not how our marriage will be.

At the end, he realized that sometimes when I ask him to do something, it actually does matter if he does it right away or in five hours. And I promised that I would try asking for help again instead of letting the resentment build.

This is probably the third or fourth time we’ve had this fight. I really hope we are getting closer to resolving this issue.

Sharon emailed me today to recommend Emotionally Engaged by Allison Moir-Smith. She said someone mentioned it on The Knot and it’s been helping her to understand some of her freak outs. Or, as she put it, how to deal with the fact that “microwave popcorn won’t be an acceptable dinner once you are married.”

It’s funny she should recommend this, because I picked up The Conscious Bride by Sheryl Paul for the exact same reason! We emailed back and forth about the two books for a bit. I think they’re pretty much saying the same thing — engagement might be fun, but it’s a lot of hard work, too — but we’ve decided to swap in a few weeks.

I’m about two-thirds of the way through mine, and I’ll post a complete book report when I’m done.

The appraisal came by email tonight. And the value of the ring is twice what we paid for it! We are so amazed at the deal we got.

I’ll email the appraisal out to my insurance agent tomorrow. Of course, now we’ll have to pay twice as much in insurance. Oh well.

Today we met with an appraiser to get the engagement ring appraised and added to our insurance. Unfortunately, we didn’t get the dollar amount right then. He took some pictures and made some measurements and will email us a PDF of the appraisal by Monday.

We’re nervous. We bought the ring from a reputable store, but we did buy it in Mexico and there was some negotiation in the price. We’re really hoping that we didn’t get ripped off.

I was encouraged, however, because the appraiser kept saying the center stone was cut very well and that it was beautiful and other good things.

Fingers are crossed.

James and I had a bit of a fight about the wedding today. I sent him a link to a page on The Knot that talks about issues that couples fight about during their engagement and the wedding planning. I thought it would be good for us to know some sticky spots so that we can avoid them. I didn’t think it was going to start a fight!

James said he feels like I spend so much time thinking about the wedding that I’m neglecting him. I, of course, am just so excited about being able to be so unabashadly girly in public that I can’t help myself.

We talked a bit and I promised to be more aware of when I’m getting sucked in. I think he gets how excited I am and how much fun I’m having. We decided to be sure to take some time every day away from laptops (he’s just started a side project that’s going to take up 20 hours a week), televisions, books, magazines, work, etc., to just be together.

Tonight we came home and had a nice talk over a glass of wine. We planned what furniture we need to buy for our move, where we want to put stuff, how we’re going to unpack, the little details like setting up cable and electricity. It was really nice. I think that as long as we keep our “date,” we’ll be fine.

We went to Aunt Mary and Uncle Jim’s for Easter today. We were running a bit late due to a silly squabble about laundry. It got heated and James said he didn’t want to go to Easter any more, that I should just go without him.

How can I go without him when the reason we’re going to Aunt Mary’s (as opposed to my aunt Val’s, where we were also invited) was that my dad’s side of the family wanted to celebrate the engagement? Happy engagement! Where’s your fiance? That looks good.

Though I love being engaged and knowing that we are committed to each other, it imbues every little argument with so much weight. If we break up now, it’s not just a break up, but breaking off an engagement. If we fight about laundry now, are we going to be fighting about laundry for the rest of our lives? The stakes just seem so much higher since I said yes.

But we resolved the Great Laundry Dispute of 2007 and headed off to Easter dinner.

We walked in the house and were handed champagne and immediately enveloped in hugs. The residual tension from our laundry fight dissolved and I remembered again why we are getting married. It’s about love and family. I love James and I want to start a family with him. Seeing my family and feeling their support reinforced our committment to each other.

Since we hadn’t seen anyone on this side of my family since the cruise, I told the whole story of our engagement, which everyone ate up. About the time I was nominated by my high school friends to give the toast at our friend Anne’s wedding, I realized that I enjoy speaking in public. I like to tell stories. And there is no story I like telling better than this one.

But even more surprising than our greeting were the gifts! Our first engagement gifts! My cousin Brandt and his wife, Becky, gave us the cutest bunny dip bowl with spreader (the spreader is the bunny’s tail! It is so cute!) and a nice card. Aunt Mary and Uncle Jim gave us a measuring mixing bowl from Pampered Chef. I admired hers a few months ago — it’s going to be great for making pancakes.

I accidently gushed too much about how much I love engagement cards (I didn’t even know they existed before we got engaged) and made Aunt Mary feel bad that she didn’t get us one. That wasn’t what I meant! I didn’t expect anything!

We played some King’s Cribbage, Brandt’s newest obsession, and when I got home I caught my brother, Billy, online and chatted with him a bit. It was a family day. I don’t see any of my family on a daily, or even weekly, basis, so these holidays are really important to me.

Here is the text of the announcement:

The cutline on the photo is:

James Clark and Jennifer Kronholm are the first engaged couple to work at The Lakeville Journal.

And the story:

Kronholm, Clark announce wedding plans

A September 2008 wedding is planned.

(I’m annoyed that the paper doesn’t post Family & Friends announcements on the Web site, so I had to retype this whole thing.)