The napkin rings are coming along, I’m meeting up with my friend Kara, whose girls will be flower girls, tomorrow to discuss their dresses, and I’m gathering clues about when my mystery shower will be (though I’m totally flummoxed on the where).

But what’s really taking up my energy right now is family stuff. My aunt, Janice (more commonly known as Snooky), is in the hospital. She’s improving, thank goodness, but it was looking pretty scary for a while. My parents are in Florida with her and I’ve been trying to do what I can from here. It looks like she won’t be able to travel for the wedding (which I know is the least of anyone’s concerns right now, but I think she was looking forward to it; she’s had her room booked since March).

It’s hard to not be physically present to help wherever I can, but that’s the way things have played out.

Sharon’s wedding was Saturday and I’m still recovering. If I’m this exhausted just being a bridesmaid, I can’t imagine how I’ll feel after my wedding.

It was beautiful, she was beautiful and a good time was had by all. I’ll give a more extensive analysis tonight or tomorrow (or Wednesday), once I get my photos uploaded and catch up on some sleep.

In other news, I took my family to the Wake Robin to check it out, since they hadn’t seen what they’re paying for yet. Shaffin was late, but I did forget to confirm with him, so it may have been my fault. He was great and I think eased my mom’s mind about some details.

This afternoon, I get a call from our lobby saying there’s a big box of flowers for me. Shaffin sent me a bouquet of tulips to apologize for being late! They sure do know about customer service at the Wake Robin.

Saturday we gathered at my aunt’s house to put together favors for Sharon’s wedding, which is Saturday, March 29. Less than two weeks, now!

We had fun doing it, what with the champagne and fountains of glue. She got silver boxes, filled them with all kinds of candy, and put a white bow and escort cards on them. There will be unmarked boxes on the tables, since the escort cards are one per couple.

Her venue has what I think is a 1,000-page checklist of things she has to do. It’s overwhelming, but at least she’ll be prepared.

I’m going for a fitting for my bridesmaid dress this afternoon. It will still need to be hemmed, but I think I’ll have it ready in plenty of time.

I’m also working on a day of emergency box for Sharon. Here’s what I’m thinking of including:

Aspirin
Hairspray
Clear nail polish
Nail polish in whatever color Sharon’s wearing
Safety pins
Bobby pins
Antacid
Smelling salts (where do you even get those?)
Band-Aids
Pantyhose
Club soda
Nip of vodka
Cheese & crackers
Tweezers
Tissues
Lint roller

Am I missing anything? I’m sure I’ll think of more. I have a shoe box that I’m going to cover with cute paper and then fill with all these treasures. She’ll be the most prepared bride ever!

I have been quite remiss in my blogging duties, and I can only blame the holidays and extreme holiday inertia. I think neither James nor I moved from the computer chair or couch, respectively, for the entire week the paper was shut down.

But another reason I haven’t been blogging is because, well, things have been difficult and I haven’t known quite what to say. One of the things we made it a point to do during shut-down week was to sit down and discuss the wedding, and we’ve found that we have very different approaches when it comes to interacting with our families (we knew that already, but really butt heads over it in the last week or so).

Also, issues we thought we had dealt with, like my struggle to balance my need for independence with my coming role as a married person, are cropping up again. Guess there’s more work to do there.

We made very few decisions about the wedding, but we were able to get all three bridesmaids in the same room at the same time. I think they all liked each other. I had fun, at least.

From all of this, I’ve learned that we’ve got quite a bit of work left to do, both in the practical planning and in the emotional preparation. I think we’re up for it. If not, well, I guess something will have to give. You don’t really need flowers for a wedding, do you?

It has been a strange holiday season at the J&J household this year. James has finally started to peek out from his 12-ton mound of work only to find me in hyper holiday elf mode. At which point he generally retreats back to his work cave.

But we have a tree (as has been documented here) and decorations and cookies. Most of the presents are bought; all of the cards have been mailed out. Even the save-the-dates made it in. This is our last week of work (yay for no paper the last week of the year) and everyone is hopped up on sugar and generally jolly.

James’s sister arrives Thursday evening and brings with her the start of Christmas. At least in my mind. Once you have family in town, Christmas begins.

This is the first year that we’ve given joint gifts. In some ways, it makes things a lot easier. In others, it’s harder, as I can’t just call up Mom for James’s grandmother’s address. But I’m having fun adding all these new family members to the list.

Working is getting weird again, gotta go. More holiday fun later.

We survived Thanksgiving.  Just barely.

Insane as we are, we decided to do a whirlwind trip of the south.  We left Lakeville around 1 p.m. on Wednesday and arrived in Wilmington, N.C., around 3 a.m. Thursday.  My mother was awake to greet us, unsurprisingly.

Surprisingly, we only slept until 8.  I think I had too much caffeine on the trip down.  James slept for the last four hours or so, so I guess he just had enough sleep. My aunt, Pat, cooked an amazing dinner and we stuffed ourselves.

 We then went for a walk to try to find some turtles to feed.  We did eventually find turtles, but they must have had their own Thanksgiving dinner because they weren’t interested in our bread.  It was 70 degrees and sunny.  A slight wind picked up as the sun went down and my “southern” mother complained about how cold it was. 

The next day James and I were up early to hit some of the Black Friday sales.  We got my birthday present, a Bulova watch, for half price.  I also go some shoes and a new purse.  James got a fleece that he intends to wear under his puff vest in place of a true winter jacket.  He also got a new hard drive and a selection of winter beer.

 Dad took us to Pottery Plus, where he works, and I got decorations for our mantel.  Dad complains about coming home from work covered in glitter, but as it was my first true holiday shopping of the season, I would have been happy to roll around in the stuff.

We also stopped to pick up some giant pine cones.  I have visions of a forest of green glitter pine cone trees.

Saturday we left bright and early for Virginia, James’s family and another turkey dinner.  James’s brother and his family were able to join us, so James spent most of the time trying to charm his 2-year-old nephew.  (I love it when James looks at me and says, “Let’s get one.”  We know we’re a few years away from that, but it makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.)

I fell asleep while James was playing Wii with his  brother and sister.  I drooled all over my arm and the chair I was sleeping in, but I don’t think anyone noticed me wiping the slobber from my face.

Another early morning and another round of goodbyes and we were on the road.  We were making good time and hoping to get home early when we hit traffic on 95, north of Baltimore.

And I mean, we hit traffic.  A bus changed lanes, which prompted a pickup truck to change lanes, which took up all the cushion space between us and traffic.The front of my car crumpled.  I said afterward that it did exactly what it was supposed to do:  the crumple zone took the impact and we were unharmed.

We pulled off the highway and spent about 30 minutes trying to find somebody who was open who could look at the car and tell us  whether we could drive it another several hundred miles.  We finally found a PepBoys, but the man there wouldn’t commit to anything.

We finally decided to risk it.  As James said, even if we break down, we’ll at least be a little closer to home.

We made it.  It was a very tense eight hours or so as we searched for alternate routes to avoid as much traffic as possible.  We were worried about overheating if the radiator was cracked.

My car is now sitting at the auto body shop, waiting for the insurance adjustor.  This was $500 I really wasn’t planning to spend, but it’s a small price to pay for getting home safely.

Reason number 154 why I love James:  He can hold it together when I can’t.  

At least Morgan went quickly. She really did seem okay yesterday. Interested in food, enthusiastic in general. So I guess it was good that it was quick.

I wanted to post a photo, but I can’t find any since the hard drive crash. James hasn’t found one, yet.

And he’s been wonderful. He had to turn in his heart moniter today, but he hasn’t expressed any concern except about me and how I’m dealing.

I’m watching comfort movies and eating comfort food.

I’m so glad to have someone who understands.

I’ll miss you, Morgan. I love you.

The other day James and I came home to a package on our doorstep. We hadn’t ordered anything, so we were mystified.

But it had my mother’s handwriting on the label.

We open it and there’s a package for each of us, wrapped in tissue paper with our names written on it. A note said that Mom thought they were fun and hoped we enjoyed them.

We rip them open and find two books: For him, “Well Groomed,” by Peter Scott; for me, “Zen Bride,” by Nora Cabrera.

Mine is a kit that includes lavendar bath salts, candle (which James is burning sorta maniacally as I type) and room spray with a sleep mask (and a book). I squealed when I saw the sleep mask. I’ve been looking for one for the last few weeks. James likes to read in bed, but either stays up reading until 2 a.m. or falls asleep immediately without turning the light off. I don’t sleep well with the light on, so I thought a mask might help.

James is delighted with his book and immediately starts reading me the chapter titles: “How Can a Magazine Cost $12.95 and Not Have Pictures of Naked People in It?” and “Why Are You and Your Mom Acting Like Rival Street Gangs?” The subtitle of the book is “A Wedding Planner for What’s-His-Name (And His Bride).”

He hasn’t really dived into it yet (he says he wants to finish the book he’s reading first — nevermind that he routinely has about 12 books he’s in the middle of), but he sneaks a look between the covers now and then, laughs, and says, “I can’t wait to read this book.”

My parents’ 30th wedding anniversary was on Monday. With all the traveling and Father’s Day and all that, I only managed an e-card. It was cheesy, but it’s the thought that counts, right? I wrote that I hope my marriage is doing as well in 30 years as theirs is.

My mom sent me back an email (signed “Mom and Dad,” but I suspect she wrote it) that made me cry:

Hey Jenn,

Thank you for the e-card. That was very nice of you! I hope that your 30th anniversary is preceded by 30 great years! There are always ups and downs but as long as you can stick together, things have a way of working out. Marriage requires a lot of work from both partners (sometimes more one than the other) but it’s worth the effort. Don’t give up when things get hard, don’t go to bed angry, and always remember the reason you got married to begin with. Remember what you saw in your partner that attracted you to them in the first place. Don’t sweat the small stuff – save your anger for something really important ( not sure what there is to get that angry about). It’s ok to vent but don’t say anything you’ll regret. Words can come back to haunt you.

I know this sounds like a lot of cliches but they’re all true.

All that being said, if you work at it, you’ll reap the rewards. Nobody is perfect all the time (although some are more perfect than others). Remember the things that bug you now will still bug you 30 years from now. They’re not going to go away no matter what you try. Deep down inside people are what they are and don’t expect to see big changes. Love your partner and stay close together always. Listen to what your partner has to say. You don’t actually have to believe it but they have a right to their opinion. Sometimes you’ll find some pearls of wisdom that you don’t expect. Take each day as a gift and spend them wisely.

Love Mom and Dad

As we were walking to the post office today, I turned to James and said, “You know how sometimes I just randomly miss my family? Well, I just got that feeling, but it was about your family.”

I really enjoyed meeting everyone. I felt like part of the family. James doesn’t see his family much and is not close to them like I am to mine, so I tried not to have any expectations about them. James was concerned that I would be hurt or disappointed if they weren’t as wonderful as I was imagining them to be, but they really accepted me and felt as much like my own family as I ever could have hoped for.