Well, I did it. I survived a weekend with James’s extended family. We went down for James’s sister’s graduation.

On Thursday we scooted out of work at 3 and started the long drive down to Virginia. I swear, as much as I enjoy our roadtrips, nothing ever goes as planned. We hit so much traffic due to construction. And when we got to D.C. (I was driving; James was sleeping; it was about 1 a.m., I think), the on ramp to 95, which we needed to get on, was completely closed down due to an accident.

I woke James up and told him I couldn’t get on 95, I was going to have to go 495. He mumbled something about how only crazy people drive through D.C. and we wanted 495 anyway. He assured me it would run into 95 again.

Well, it did. In Maryland. I drove us in a big circle, wasting about an hour. I was so frustrated, I cried and yelled at the road signs. I woke James up and he assured me it was no big deal. One of the things I love most about him is his ability to be calm when I’m losing it.

So we got to Chesapeake and James’s mom’s house around 5 a.m. Stumbled into James’s sister’s room and passed out for a few hours.

When we woke, there was an adorable toddler running through the hallways. He burst in on me in the bathroom (he loves to open and close doors), but I couldn’t even be angry, he was so cute.

Carolina’s graduation wasn’t until 3, so we spent the morning hanging out with James’s brother, sister-in-law and nephew. Around 1 or 1:30, James’s grandmother, uncle and aunt showed up, along with Carolina’s boyfriend and his mother. We piled into cars to caravan to the convocation center in Norfolk.

This place was huge. Virginia high schools are much bigger than Connecticut high schools.

Applause, pictures, diplomas, caps and gowns, the usual graduation stuff. We climbed back into the cars and battled the traffic back to James’s mother’s house, then all ordered Chinese. Man, I miss living in an area where people will deliver food to you.

The next day those of us staying at James’s mom’s house headed to Virginia Beach for a day by the ocean while those staying in a hotel spent the day at Jamestown. I would have liked to go to Jamestown, and hope to get there eventually, but it was such a nice day, I couldn’t resist the beach.

James’s brother and his family left that night and James and I snuck out for a dinner alone. On Sunday we stopped at the hotel to say goodbye to Grandma, Aunt Debbie and Uncle Daniel before heading back north. After many hours of sitting in traffic, we made it home.

It was a stressful weekend, with all the family and all the traveling, but James and I didn’t fight once. He got frustrated with his family, but I never did. I just went along for the ride. They weren’t my family, so I wasn’t so invested in the drama. I was able to step back and enjoy the good parts without having to stress over the bad ones.

I wonder if that will be the case in a few years, when they get used to me and let down their guard.

You know you’ve picked a winner of a fiance when he doesn’t say one word of complaint about being dragged to your 10-year high school reunion.

I went to a private school, so a reunion is a big deal. This one ran from Friday to Sunday and included tons of food and booze. James was mostly excited at the prospect of free (I paid) food and drink all weekend. I was excited to see my friends.

At our 5-year reunion, everyone was just out of college and at their first job. Everyone dressed in their best “going out” clothes and drank like, well, 20-something New Yorkers at an open bar. There was some catching up, but mostly it was about doing things we weren’t allowed to do when we were students.

The 10-year is the year of the significant other. I’d say at least half of my classmates brought husbands, wives, fiances or girl- and boyfriends. In my group of close friends, only two of us weren’t married, and I brought my fiance.

This reunion, for me, wasn’t about seeing people I never talk to and haven’t thought of in the past 10 years. It was about spending time with the people I care about and never get to see. And getting to know their husbands a bit better.

I sat at dinner Saturday night and looked around at our group, which has doubled in size. Everyone was talking easily, whether they were alums or spouses. The four “extras” all got along beautifully with each other and with all of us. Our close-knit group has grown, but yet manages to still feel the same. We’ve really been able to embrace our friends’ expanding lives.

And they all loved James. Not that I doubted they would, but it is really reassuring to hear my friends tell me how much they like my fiance. And to see how well he fit in with everyone. No tension, no personality clashes, it was like we had always been together.

I cried on Sunday when I had to say good-bye to everyone. They are all moving to Boston, so at least there is a change that I will get to see them every month or two, if we work hard at it.

I feel so blessed to have had this opportunity to introduce my fiance to some of the important people in my life and to give him a glimpse of a school that had a huge part in shaping who I am today.

It was a mushy, squishy, emotional weekend and I am exhausted. But it feels good.

Two of my cousins earned degrees this month, so yesterday we went to my aunt’s for a cook out to celebrate.

Of course, this means that Sharon (my cousin who’s also planning a wedding) and I get to discuss wedding details.

She had a catalogue of bridesmaids dresses for me to look through, since I’m going to be in her wedding. She likes the idea of having black dresses, but is getting a lot of resistance to the idea. Her mom and one sister seem to be against it. I don’t really care. I picked out a few dresses I liked, but basically said, “Tell me what to wear and I’ll wear it.” I also mentioned that black and white with red (or whatever) accents would be really dramatic.

She wanted to set a time for the three of us (me and her two sisters, who make up the wedding party) to shop for dresses. I said June was bad, so she said July. Works for me. Of course, one sister doesn’t want to go until September, since that will be six months before the wedding. She doesn’t see the need to pick out dresses so early.

I have to side with Sharon on this one. She already has her dress, veil and tiara. I can’t blame her for wanted to get moving. She said she wants the dresses decided on so she can move on to flowers.

I feel a little bit relieved that I haven’t asked anyone to be in my bridal party yet. I don’t have to deal with all the conflicting opinions and people telling me how to do things. I showed off the wedding book I made, but didn’t get anyone telling me what I should or shouldn’t do.

I suppose as I start to make actual decisions, people involved will speak up more. But for now I’m just enjoying not having to worry about what anyone but James and I think.

It’s amazing the way getting engaged will legitimize your relationship in the eyes of the world.

When I’ve confessed relationship troubles to my mom in the past, her advice has always been centered on doing what is best for me, which, she mostly thought, was not to waste my time on losers (and I have to say that was good advice that I ignored for too long). But when I called and talked with her tonight, she was comforting and reassuring, telling me that my sickness and exhaustion were magnifying what were really small problems. She really made me feel a lot better about everything that was bothering me.

And I’m feeling our relationship begin to change. We’ve talked to each other as adults for a while now, but now we’re beginning to relate as married adults, which is a whole different category. I know I’m not married yet, but something about announcing the intent really changes the way our relationship is viewed.

James pointed out the other day that there are two big milestones that make your car insurance premiums go down: turning 25 or getting married.

Maybe because I’m still in my 20s, but I’ve never felt discriminated against because I’m single. However, now that I’m hovering on the edge of being married, it feels like doors are opening up all over. I read a piece in the New York Times over the weekend, Spread the Wealth of Spousal Rights by Dalton Conley that lists all the benefits of marriage. Conley’s point is that if we were to disentangle these rights from the institution of marriage, the whole gay marriage debate would become moot. The story really drove home the fact that our society favors the married.

I never thought of getting married as entering a world of privilege.

Sharon emailed me today to recommend Emotionally Engaged by Allison Moir-Smith. She said someone mentioned it on The Knot and it’s been helping her to understand some of her freak outs. Or, as she put it, how to deal with the fact that “microwave popcorn won’t be an acceptable dinner once you are married.”

It’s funny she should recommend this, because I picked up The Conscious Bride by Sheryl Paul for the exact same reason! We emailed back and forth about the two books for a bit. I think they’re pretty much saying the same thing — engagement might be fun, but it’s a lot of hard work, too — but we’ve decided to swap in a few weeks.

I’m about two-thirds of the way through mine, and I’ll post a complete book report when I’m done.

James got an email yesterday from his aunt and uncle in California (his father’s relatives). They are excited about the engagement and really want to come to the wedding.

James is thrilled. He doesn’t have strong ties to his dad’s family at all, so it really mean a lot to him that his aunt and uncle are taking an interest. He updated the guest list (they were one it, but their children weren’t) this morning.

I love to see him get some support from his family. My family has totally accepted him and loves to have him around, but it’s still not the same.

The idea of family comes up again and again as we talk about our engagement and our future together. We really feel that with our marriage, we are creating a new family for ourselves. When Rev. Taber asked us why we wanted to “be married in the sight of God,” rather than in a civil ceremony, I told him it was about family. The church family I grew up in nurtured and formed me and I can’t think of a better place to start a new family than in church, with God’s and our families’ blessing.

I am glad that at least some of James’s family is being so supportive. It would be nice if we could get in touch with his father, but I’ll take what we can get.

Heck, James even had a phone conversation with his brother a week or two ago. I think that was the first time they’ve talked in months, maybe even a year. James has never even met his nephew (who will, by the way, be our ring bearer — his dad said it was fine).

I cannot be happier that our wedding is drawing James closer to his family.

We went to Aunt Mary and Uncle Jim’s for Easter today. We were running a bit late due to a silly squabble about laundry. It got heated and James said he didn’t want to go to Easter any more, that I should just go without him.

How can I go without him when the reason we’re going to Aunt Mary’s (as opposed to my aunt Val’s, where we were also invited) was that my dad’s side of the family wanted to celebrate the engagement? Happy engagement! Where’s your fiance? That looks good.

Though I love being engaged and knowing that we are committed to each other, it imbues every little argument with so much weight. If we break up now, it’s not just a break up, but breaking off an engagement. If we fight about laundry now, are we going to be fighting about laundry for the rest of our lives? The stakes just seem so much higher since I said yes.

But we resolved the Great Laundry Dispute of 2007 and headed off to Easter dinner.

We walked in the house and were handed champagne and immediately enveloped in hugs. The residual tension from our laundry fight dissolved and I remembered again why we are getting married. It’s about love and family. I love James and I want to start a family with him. Seeing my family and feeling their support reinforced our committment to each other.

Since we hadn’t seen anyone on this side of my family since the cruise, I told the whole story of our engagement, which everyone ate up. About the time I was nominated by my high school friends to give the toast at our friend Anne’s wedding, I realized that I enjoy speaking in public. I like to tell stories. And there is no story I like telling better than this one.

But even more surprising than our greeting were the gifts! Our first engagement gifts! My cousin Brandt and his wife, Becky, gave us the cutest bunny dip bowl with spreader (the spreader is the bunny’s tail! It is so cute!) and a nice card. Aunt Mary and Uncle Jim gave us a measuring mixing bowl from Pampered Chef. I admired hers a few months ago — it’s going to be great for making pancakes.

I accidently gushed too much about how much I love engagement cards (I didn’t even know they existed before we got engaged) and made Aunt Mary feel bad that she didn’t get us one. That wasn’t what I meant! I didn’t expect anything!

We played some King’s Cribbage, Brandt’s newest obsession, and when I got home I caught my brother, Billy, online and chatted with him a bit. It was a family day. I don’t see any of my family on a daily, or even weekly, basis, so these holidays are really important to me.

So my mom sent me an email today freaking out because Sharon told her we’re going to have 150 people at our wedding. I really said that we want about 100 and that our guest list was at about 115, but James said he thought it was more like 150. Sigh.

Anyway, she wrote saying that if we want to have our reception at The Wake Robin Inn we’re going to have to do some major cutting because she and Dad can’t chip in more than *a lot more than I ever expected*.

Are you kidding? That’s awesome!

So I wrote her back and clarified and pinned her down on the amount. I can’t believe it. James and I figure if we save $500 a month between now and September 2008, we’ll have $9,000. That makes a pretty healthy budget. I never dreamed I’d have so much to spend!

And I feel a lot better knowing what we have to work with.

We celebrated with my family today at Kris’s St. Patrick’s Day party. It was so good to see everyone. Val brought champagne and John gave us whiskey. It was fun.

Sharon brought me a whole bag of bridal magazines. She and Dan got engaged around Christmas and have picked St. Clement’s Castle for their reception. I think the service is going to be at Sharon’s church, but I’m not sure on that. Anyway, their wedding will be March 2008, so we’re just six months or so behind them.

Sharon was so sweet to ask me if I still wanted to be her bridesmaid even though I have my own wedding to plan now. Of course I do! I’m always the reader at my friends’ weddings. I’ve never been a bridesmaid.

It’s so nice, though, to have someone to talk to about all this wedding stuff.